Resentment (Part 1)
These past several years, I have struggled mightily with the sin of resentment. The best definition I could find says that resentment is a "deep-seated bitterness or indignation arising from a perceived wrong, insult, or injury." (I wish I could have found the source for this, but I'll just have to credit Google AI for now...).
Resentment is so deadly because it can so easily creep into our hearts without us noticing it. Furthermore, it can be tough to bring up resentful feelings with others for fear that may react negatively. Talking things out, however, can be beneficial; if often prevents misunderstanding from occurring on both sides. I have often found that the other person really had no intention of hurting me. Rather, they were dealing with their own wounded nature, just like I am.
With that being said, I'd like to explain the three ways in which resentment kills. In an upcoming post, I will go into more detail on how we can overcome this festering disease of the soul.
1) Resentment Destroys my Relationship with Others
In her autobiography Story of a Soul, St. Thérèse of Lisieux talks about living with her fellow Carmelite nuns and how they often hurt her, whether or not they realize it. Very often, she would have some cool spiritual insight (or even just a witty joke) and share it with a sister. In turn, this sister would spread it around without giving St. Thérèse credit! How easy it would have been to allow this resentment to fester. (She doesn't allow this to happen...we'll explore this later). With that being said, how often does some small infraction similar to this happen to me? I, however, become petty about it and hold a grudge. I start to avoid them. I try not to make eye contact with them when in the same room; they slowly become unbearable.
Before I know it, I even begin to despise the person. They never help me out when I need it! Why do they never give me the respect I deserve?! They need to realize all I do for them!! All the while, that other person is completely oblivious to what is going on in your heart. While you bathe in your own rotting resentment (AKA while you become more bitter), the other person is free as can be, happily living their own life. St. Augustine said it best: "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." As your hatred for this person grows, so does the divide between you two. The other person, in time, will notice how cold and isolated you've become. They will start to avoid you, not out of spite, but simply because they think you don't like them. They just don't want to trouble you; you have driven a wedge between the two of you. And just like that, Satan has won the battle.
2) Resentment Destroys my Relationship with Myself
I once read somewhere that resentment kills self-esteem. I had never considered this before, but I think it makes perfect sense. As I grow in this false conviction that everyone I know is constantly doing me wrong, disrespecting me, and refusing to actually get to know me as a unique human being, I begin to believe the lie that I must not actually be someone worth loving. I believe the lie that no one would willingly want to be around me.
It is all too easy to allow the acid of resentment to slowly eat away at my self-esteem. We all have a desire to be seen, known, and loved. If everyone I know is "out to get me" (or at least, that's the perception I'm operating under), then it's only a matter of time before I simply believe I am irredeemable. And just like that, Satan has won the battle.
3) Resentment Destroys my Relationship with God
I am reminded of the book of Jonah (one of my favorite books in the Bible). For context, Jonah is angry with God for forgiving the Ninevites and storms off to stew in the heat of day (we can clearly see here that there is a PERCEIVED wrong here...not an actual one). God, in His mercy, provided a gourd plant that grew and gave shade to Jonah. Jonah was appreciative of the fact...until a worm attacked the plant and it died. Jonah proceeded to go right back to being angry at God, even though God had done nothing wrong and even provided a plant to give Jonah shade!
In this story, we can see how the resentment that Jonah clung onto isolated him from God. He was so busy stewing in his unrighteous anger that he could not possibly see things from God's point of view (or Through Heaven's Eyes, as Brian Mitchell so beautifully sang...)
So much of the spiritual life relies on allowing myself to remain open to the graces that God desires to shower upon me. Resentment, however, closes me off to receiving ANY sort of grace. It hardens my heart, preventing God's merciful love from reaching it. Over time, as resentment builds, I notice the presence of God less and less in my life. He is drowned out by all the angry voices in my heart. Although He's still there, I no longer hear or see him. I have become convinced that I am on my own. I no longer pray; what's the point? And just like that, Satan has won the battle.
In short, resentment kills your relationship with God, it kills your relationship with others, and it even kills your relationship with yourself. There is a way out of this trap, however! It will be discussed soon...
In the meantime, don't let it fester; resentment kills.